How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
