Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
