My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This is my gift to your gina
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
