I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
