i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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