You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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