I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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