SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Say something about gay babies.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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