Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
