having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
