I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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