Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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