Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
