my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
