Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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