I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
