I think im going to throw up on grandma
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
