The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
