please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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