that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
