yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think I sprained my soul last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
