i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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