I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
