so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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