I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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