Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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