Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
