Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
