cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
