she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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