I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
