Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
