What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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