She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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