3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
