The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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