sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
