yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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