are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
