plz talk dirty to me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Randomize
