Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
