I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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