the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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