Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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