He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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