I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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