Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
