areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
