Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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