dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
