and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
