Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
