you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Shame is for Republicans.
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