I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
