i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
