two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize