My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
