he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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