She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
