dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
