I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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