You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize