Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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