What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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