I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Someone signed my nipple.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
