i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
