I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
