Only a mothe r could love this liver
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
