my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
