You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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