We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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