were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
