and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize