The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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