We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
