yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
