Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
