It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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