We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you had me at cake vodka
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
