fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
