i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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