my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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