if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
