she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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