Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
