Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
