I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can feel your judgement through the phone
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
