can u get pink eye on your cock?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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