its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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