I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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