Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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