she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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