got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
