he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
