i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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