I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
