I can text with my tongue
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
