There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
