i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
