and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
