Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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