i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
