READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize