We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
