Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
