evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
